I wonder why some women always go for the “bad boys”, the emotionally unavailable. Or, the commitment phoebes. They go from one bad egg to the next. I think they do because it’s all they know. They don’t feel good about themselves and they just cling to what they feel they deserve?  They have never been treated wonderfully so they wouldn’t know it if it hit them in the nose.

I believe, they just need to get with one really decent guy. Then they’ll know what it’s like to be treated good. Good. And NOT just “good” when they are dating you at first, or for the first 6 months. I mean, really treat you good. Like you are a person of importance. You matter. You are being thought of. You know, when you are sitting on the couch and he gets up, he says, “Do you need a drink?”. Considerate, intelligent, witty, thoughtful, kind, will build you up instead of tear you down. The kind, that when you say, “I’m collecting owl’s” and he brings you home a little owl that he saw and thought of you. When you tell him you love computer’s and you’d like to get better at them, he goes out and buys you a new one to get you started. When you’re dating, and your car is on the fritz, he tells you to take his. Stuff like that. This of course is considered normal. But, when you have never been with someone who actually treats you nice, this is foreign territory. It’s hard to trust.

I spent 4 years with a guy who didn’t trust me. Who didn’t allow me to hang out with friends because he was jealous, a guy who never encouraged my dreams. He wanted me all to himself. I missed out on a lot of high school stuff because of it. I don’t regret being with him. I just wish I could have had him, and my friends too. Looking back, I regret the fun stuff I missed out on, I mostly regret the friends I hurt by turning my back on them just to please him. I should have seen the red flags. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.

The only reason I know I’ll be okay TODAY, these days, is because I’ve found true love. I know that if something were to happen tomorrow, and I had to be alone – - I’d be ok. I wouldn’t rush out to replace the irreplaceable. *as a side note, I’d be crushed and sad, but that goes without saying, really.

I use to date the bad boys.  Wonder what that was all about.  Was it pure animal magnetism that drove me?  Was it that I thought (ha!) that I could fix them?  In 1990, I gave a nice guy, a chance. At first, it was weird. I remember back in the day, dating (the husband)… and my alarm clock broke. I was late for work a few times. He came over with a new one. I was like, “What is this all about? I can buy my own, thanks.”  Difficult much?

When my car slid off the road into a ditch on a snowy, wintry morning; I swear, he came blazing around that corner in record time (and so did 2 of his other friends, in their car’s) to save me. I remember, he put me into his car and stayed behind to get my car out of the ditch. He loved me. Somehow, by the Grace of God, I let him in. He was NOT my type. Too nice.  Too clean cut.  I tested him every which way, but he stuck like glue. He passed every single one of my tests with flying colors. I finally had to come to the conclusion… get this, I know right? Suspense. “He is just a good sweet person, genuine.”

Once you know how to be treated, there is no going back. Once the seed of love is planted, there’s no stopping its growth. He nurtured my self-esteem by encouraging my goals and dreams. He cherished me, put me first, was my best friend. Never controlling, never verbally or physically abusive. He loved me for who I was and it enabled me to grow into the strong person that I am today.

How can a person, who has never known real love, ever get on track? It’s possible. I did. Give the nice guy a chance ladies. Life is so hard sometimes. Control and jealousy are not characteristics of love. Sure, it might make you feel important for a brief moment but that gets old and when you finally do realize what a waste the jerk is, you’ll only be left with regret.

A real man will love you, trust you, and stand beside you, not above you.

It also has a trickle down effect. If you are with a guy who is genuinely nice, as he has trusted you, you will in turn, trust him. If life steers you in another direction together, and you bring a child into this world, your baby will have the best father in the world; a man to set a good example.  A truly good hearted man, who will love and care about all of you.  Bonus!

Selfish, inconsiderate, mean, controlling, hot tempered, immature = bad

Thoughtful, considerate, loving, caring, sweet, strong = Good.

Give a good guy a chance. You wont be sorry you did.